110 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
110 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
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hey, are you up?
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It's like lunchtime here lol
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i'll take that as a yes then
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good because i'm spiralling
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What's up?
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it feels like there's this thing in my head, right
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this golden, wonderful thing that's capable of such wonderful things
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but it's timid - so timid! - and always in flux
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i try to approach it and it hides
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every time i tihnk i'vve got a hold on it, it changes into something else
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like i see my goal and it's not that far away, but then i get over to it and it turns out it's actually a bridge, or a tunnel
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and now i have to go through that instead
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it never ends!
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That sounds like, the archetypical Journey of Creative Self-Discovery, friend
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Get new material
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>:|
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it's frustrating
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i'm frustrated
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Maybe you need a change of scenery
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Have you tried going for a walk?
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i immediately regret messaging you
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i don't know what i expected
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i just wanted to vent a bit i guess
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Hey, you vent away
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I'm not in any rush
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like, i see people with these honed skills, right
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artists online, musicians, authors, whatever
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and i love all of these things
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and i know that honing a skill takes time, too
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i am more than aware of that
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but i feel like you kind of have to pick one, and run with it?
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specialise, you know?
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and my specialty is plants
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You like plants
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yeah i do like plants
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plants are great
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but plants aren't music
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they're not a novel, or a poignant game or something
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they're creative, but only in the abstract way that, like, running is creative
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the kind of trophy-for-taking-part creative
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maybe
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idk
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maybe i'm imposter syndroming myself
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but i want to make those "real" creative things too
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and i am frustrated because i feel like i can't pick
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i can't specialise
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i love all of them, how could i focus on writing at the cost of anything visual?
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there's so precious little time to use on any of these things
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and i feel like i waste that time trying to pick something, instead of actually doing anything
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I don't think you want to be a writer
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I don't think you want to be a musician either
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You're definitely a creative, though
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Non-creatives are never this difficult
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Look, if you want to write, write, if you want to draw, draw
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You don't have to pick one!
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You don't have to define yourself by that label, or use it at all
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If you'll indulge a little anecdote
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please
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When I lived in Madrid for a year I agonised over whether I was fluent enough
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I had a social life, studied the culture, explored the country and stuff all in Spanish, but always just reckoned nah, I got lucky, or the locals were being kind with my fumbled locution
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In my head I was (and honestly, still am) a total beginner
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It was only when I was on the way back home I got to talking to some guy in a bar, and somehow got onto languages
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He only spoke English himself, but he asked me: can you have a conversation? Can you make friends? Can you help someone who's lost?
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And I figured well, yeah
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By those measures, I'm fluent
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I don't know what CEFR level I am, but also, I don't really care?
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It's not like someone's going to check my credentials before engaging in conversation
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Sorry it was a bit wandering but I think my point is basically that it's about what you do, not what you are
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Or what you think you are
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We are defined by our actions
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What you think you are, or even what someone else thinks you are, doesn't really matter at all
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Labels and nouns are useful to get ideas across, but they're not real, right?
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So don't try to force them upon things which are
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<3
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thanks
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thanks for getting me out of my head
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No problem Rye
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You take care up there
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i will
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hey, could you do me a favour?
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If it's not insane
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next time you see a tree
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send me a picture?
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i miss trees
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I'll grab one on my walk home
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xoxo
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